October 11, 2012 § 3 Comments
I found a list of 100 writing prompts on emotions here and I’ve decided to write blog posts on each of these emotions. The first “emotion” on the list is Birth. In my first blog post, I wrote how I tested at 100% introvert on the Myers-Briggs test, which makes me an extreme introvert. Since I am so introverted, I often wonder if I was born an introvert or if I’ve become a more introverted person from life experiences.
My parents often tell me stores about how I was quiet and reserved around strangers even as an infant. I only wanted to be held by my parents and I was uncomfortable around their friends. I even have baby photos of their friends holding me and I always look like I’m about to cry. As a child, I enjoyed one and one activities and I never liked group activities. This meant that going to child birthday parties or large social events was something that I didn’t look forward to doing. As much as I preferred to be around my immediately family, I still needed my own space and moments of solitude.
From elementary through high school I was bullied and I had difficulty forming friendships with others. These experiences had a profound impact on my life and they have a lot to do with how I interact with others even today. Being bullied made me withdraw deeper inside myself because of the hurt and pain that I was going through. I learned to embrace being alone and to trust only myself. Since I had difficulty making friends, I learned that not everyone is going to accept me for the person that I am. I take my time getting to know others and I’m not immediately trusting of everyone.
I believe that my introverted personality started at birth but that I probably became even more introverted because of my life experiences. Regardless of the reasons, I’m learning to accept myself more and more each day.
Do you think you were born an introvert or have life experiences also played a part in shaping your personality?
August 19, 2012 § 1 Comment
I am currently reading “The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You” by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. According to Wikipedia, a “highly sensitive person (HSP) is a person having the innate trait of high psychological sensitivity.” I’ve always felt that I was more sensitive than other people to noise, touch, emotions, and moods. I read this book a few years ago and at the time I was trying to “find a cure” for this trait because I really felt that I was overly sensitive about things and I felt that something was wrong with me. This time I’m reading this book to be more accepting of myself. I want to understand this trait and to view this trait in a more positive way. Each chapter of this book has different exercises that you can do to help you reflect and I plan to share some of my reflections on this blog.
There is a self-test at the beginning of the book that asks 23 true or false questions to help you identify with whether or not you are a HSP. I answered true to 20 questions. According to the test instructions, if you answer true to 12 or more questions then you are likely a highly sensitive person. There are many traits that are listed in the self-test that make me a highly sensitive person but the traits that I’ll speak about below are the ones that I strongly identify with
- I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment – I always pick up on very subtle changes in my environment that most people don’t seem to notice at all. I’m very attuned to what is going on around me even when I don’t seem like I am.
- Other people’s moods affect me – This is a huge trait for me and it’s something that I have to deal with everyday. I take in the moods of others and when someone is in a negative or a really bad mood then it affects my mood in a negative way. In order to maintain my own mood, I try to stay away from people who are constantly angry or bitter because I know that their moods will affect me too much.
- I tend to be very sensitive to pain – I can’t take a lot of pain and something as simple as a paper cut can feel very painful. Whenever I got to the doctor, and especially to the dentist, I have to make them aware of my sensitivity to pain.
- I have a rich, complex inner life – I live in my head and this is where my creativity and deep thought comes from.
- I am made uncomfortable by loud noises – Loud noises really bother me and this probably explains why I have a fear of thunder.
- I am deeply moved by the arts or music - There is a deep sensation that I feel when I visit a museum, see a dance, or listen to music. There is a profound connection that I make with art and music.
- I startle easily – I’ve always know this about myself but I was not aware that this had something to do with me being a HSP.
- Being very hungry creates a strong reaction in me, disrupting my concentration or mood – This is another trait that I didn’t know had something do with me being a HSP. I’ve always said that I must have my meals on time and when I don’t eat at a certain time then I get very, very angry. This is one of the reasons why I always keep crackers at my desk in case I’m not able to each lunch on time.
September 15, 2011 § Leave a Comment
“Are you OK?” I swear this is the most insincere question that the people I work with ask me and I’m asked this question at least twice a week. Why? It’s because I’m not as talkative or as outgoing as the people around me. It’s a question that I’m asked when someone feels that I’m not paying as much attention to them or when I’m not responding in an overly emotional way. I’m a quiet person and this is just who I am. I don’t have time for small talk or gossip and I’d rather sit at my desk and get my work done than to get caught up in office politics. Maybe this seems strange to my co-workers and many of them go out of there way to come into my office to ask if I’m ok.
This question is insincere because it’s not as if they actually care about my well-being or are genuinely concerned that something serious might be going on. Maybe my silence makes them insecure as it does with a lot of people. Not everyone is comfortable with having someone in their presence who talks very little or not at all. This question also implies (in my opinion) that something is wrong with being quiet. One has to be loud and talking all the time to be happy and if a person is quiet then something must be wrong.
In the past, when I was asked this question, I would offer up some kind of excuse for being a quiet person. I would say things like, “I’m really busy” or “I have a deadline”. Not anymore. Now I simply reply, “Yes, I’m Ok” and wait for them to leave. There is nothing wrong with my quiet nature and there is nothing wrong with sitting at my desk and getting work done and I don’t need to offer any excuse for that. I’ve had a few co-workers that I’ve politely requested that they stop coming into my office and asking me if I’m ok. My behavior hasn’t changed from the first day that I’ve started working for this company and there is no reason for them to keep asking me the same question each week.
I find more and more that I’m becoming unapologetically bold in my quest for self-acceptance and in the fact that I want others to accept me for the way that I am as well. Not everyone was meant to be talkative all the time. There are many people in this life, such as myself, who were given the gift of silence and to be a quieter and calmer presence in the lives of others.
September 12, 2011 § 5 Comments
I write my blog anonymously and it is not tied to my real name. ”Nina” is a nickname used by my family and only they call me by this name so it is perfect to use for this blog since no one else knows me as “Nina”. I didn’t want this blog be attached to my real name because I was concerned about maintaining my privacy. I was also concerned about my employer, certain friends, and even a few family members being able to “google me” and have this blog come up. I wanted to be able to discuss experiences in my life without fear that someone would misunderstand or judge me. This doesn’t mean that no one knows who I really am. Many of my friends and family are aware of and do read my blog.
Writing anonymously does not (at least for me) take away from the authenticity of this blog because everything I discuss is honest and from my heart. Being anonymous has allowed me to openly discuss and admit things that I wouldn’t normally admit and I’m able to discuss the truth of my life without worry.
August 18, 2011 § 2 Comments
I received this postcard through Postcrossing and I feel it describes me as an introvert. It may be hard to read what is written at the bottom of the card so I’ll quote it here”
“Love Solitude. Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that’s where you renew your springs that dry up”.
I think the English is a little weird and it should probably say: Love Solitude. Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that’s where I renew my springs that dry up. I think that many people still don’t understand why an introverted person needs alone time and that quote sums it up perfectly.
August 10, 2011 § 1 Comment
When I first joined Facebook, I only had two friends for the longest time and I never even bothered to check it. Little by little more and more of my friends and family began to join and I started to check it more. As more people I knew joined, it became exciting to read their status updates and view their photos. I found it to be a really good way to keep in contact with my friends and family that I don’t see regularly. I began to notice that I was spending more and more time on Facebook until it got to the point where I was checking it far too often. These days, I’m not sure how I really feel about Facebook. I’m more annoyed with it than anything. Yet, I still can’t get up the courage to delete my page even though there are days when I feel like I should.
One of the things that kind of bothers me is how people are able to look at your page and see who your friends are. I’m not sure why that bothers me but it does. I’ve had several people make comments about looking at my page and how they went through my friends list and were surprised that I was friends with a certain person. It just made me uncomfortable so I’ve now made my friends list private.
Another aspect that has bothered me is how frequent people update their status. It’s as if they have to share every single thing they do during the day and night. I’m not interested in reading every single boring thing that someone has done all day. This has also lead to the aggravating issue of how there is the expectation that you will announce every important life event on Facebook. Now when I tell one of friends something important in my life, they immediately ask me if I’ve announced it on Facebook. That question upsets me because I don’t feel like I have to share every single major life decision over Facebook.
More and more I’m beginning to feel like Facebook is a time-waster and I need to learn how to use it more to my advantage if I’m going to keep my profile up. Otherwise, I should just delete it and save myself the irritation.
May 17, 2011 § Leave a Comment
I only have two more weeks of the Intercultural Communications class and I am currently working on my final project. In this class we’ve been studying different approaches to training on intercultural communications as well as ways to develop and implement the training. Last week my professor showed us a video of her doing an intercultural training module for a group. It was interesting to watch the dynamics between her and the people she was training. She was very friendly with everyone and extremely approachable. She was also really funny and just seemed to be “on”. It’s interesting because there was a time when I thought that I would want to be a professional trainer. I thought that it would fit well with my personality as well as the skills that I have as a professional. The more I think about it, them more I realize that training would not have been a good career for me.
I think that I was drawn to training as a career option at one point in my life because I have been the department trainer in a few of my jobs. Whenever there was a new person, I would be responsible for training them in addition to my other duties. I was successful at it and I think the reason why is because I was training someone one on one. I wasn’t standing up in front of a group of people where all eyes were watching me. I also wasn’t trying to entertain the person I was training to keep them interested in what I was teaching them. It seems like you have to “perform” and always be “on” in order to be a successful trainer and that makes sense. No one wants to listen to a person they feel is boring or uninteresting. By nature, I am not a person who is always up for performance. I have a good sense of humor but I don’t know if I could easily tell jokes or be entertaining in order to hold someone’s attention during training.
I know what it’s like to perform because I’ve studied music since I was a child and I’ve participated in many music concerts and recitals. As nervous as I would be, once I started playing, it would actually be a wonderful experience. There was an energy I felt from playing the music and there was an energy I would feel from the audience that was listening. Maybe that’s what my professor feels when she trains. Because I was passionate about the music I was playing, I believe that is the reason I could get up and perform and maybe that is same way my professor feels just as passionate about the subject she trains on.